The job (written back in 2009)

The job

It was the darkest of the dark night. Like every night, he had woken up in cold perspiration. He had to do it.

Every night like clockwork, he would wake up past midnight. Tell himself that its just a job. Its not his fault. And nevertheless do it!! The boss had told him that he could get someone else to do it. But he had refused. He wanted to do it. He wanted to watch. A sadistic pleasure in torturing himself watching people getting terminated. He had special accesses. Special authorities. Special responsibilities. Sometimes he would manage two, sometimes ten and sometimes hundred. One by one he would cross the names from the list. Then there would be nights when there would be no names on the list. He would feel lost. He could never go back to sleep on those nights. He would keep on feeling that something will come up.

He sat there thinking about how he had ended getting sucked into this. Its an addiction. You first tell yourself that you don’t want to do it. Then some hand forces you to do it once. And then its too late to stop. You tell yourself that you wont do it tomorrow. But the tomorrow never comes. You just have to do it again and again and again.

Today yet again his reluctant body and heavy heart were refusing while his brains pushed him on. He wanted to say that he did not want to do it. Who were these people? Why were they in jail? What had they done? Were they murderers? Thieves? Why were they being terminated? Many times, like today, he knew the answer to the last question. Whenever he did not, his boss never refused to give him the reason, but made it obvious that it was not his place to ask; it was his place to know.

After thinking in dark for some time, he got up. He had to do what he had to do. He saw the list. It was a list of seven condemned names. He took the list with him and started on his job.

Click. One gone. Click. Second gone. Click. Click. Click. Click. Six gone. One last left. Click. Gone. All seven terminated. Job was completed. He was feeling a half-hearted satisfaction at doing his job well. He had to call his boss.

"Hello, Sir. The job has run. The customer service for the federal jail healthcare had given seven subscriber IDs with lapsed coverage. All the contracts have been successfully terminated."

He went back to sleep.

Do you know?

Sometimes you give a small askance
Sometimes you share a reference
Sometimes it's a nothing
For me it's always everything
Like my heaven and hell both rest on you
Do you know when I look at you?

You smile when you glance at me
You turn away, your smile stays with me
Spring blooms and tides turn
My heart heals and my sorrows burn
Like music that comes out of you,
Do you know when I smile for you?

Flower petals that tenderly fall
A lighthouse beacon that to safety call
The weakness that can break it all
As strong as the divine wall
Like a shower of golden rain on you
Do you know when I am loving you?

problem with male-dominated society

This is the real problem about male-dominated society. Everything that embarrasses men abt themselves, they attribute it to women. e.g.:

1. Men are actually more hyper passive drivers than women. When I drive a mile, my husband makes at least 10 critical comments or makes faces or gasps etc. When he drives 100 miles, I make one. But the passive driving joke is always for women...

2. Men gossip more. If my husband told me that a guy in his office was not wearing matching socks, I am pretty sure I wont ask, " Really?? What shirt WAS he wearing??"

3. Men evoke more pathos than women. Women are supposed to cry for attention... Women are supposed to over-react to small injuries/pains...

4. Men take more time in shopping for a pair of shoes or shades than I took for my entire marriage trosseau....everytime...

5. Men are obssessed with their looks all the time. Women are far too much blamed for taking time to dress. But men are lot more insecured. e.g. tell the next guy you meet that he has dark spots on nose..Ignore the immediate reaction... Check his beauty kit within a week... you will see those worthless nose strips...

6. The first five points were based on multiple men I have observed...This one may or may not be generic. Men make more noises than women while doing you-know-what...Also they expect a lot of cuddling and appreciation... afterwards.... Women just want to go to sleep... 

I will be adding more points as they occur to me...but this is my prima face observation list...

I wish you the fairy-tale and its ending

I wish you the beauty, the generosity and the grace
I wish you the smile of peril in the face
I wish you the fight and I wish you the winning
I wish you the fairy-tale and its ending

I wish you the dragon, I wish you the fear
I wish you the beast and I wish you the scare
I wish you would vanquish with your wits spell-binding
I wish you the fairy-tale and its ending

I wish you the friendship, I wish you deception
I wish you the loyalty, I wish you the patience
I wish you would know when its the right thing
I wish you the fairy-tale and its ending

I wish you the wits and beauty of kindness
I wish you be the true princess
Happily-ever-after is just in the offing
I wish you the fairy-tale and its ending

What girls notice in guys!!!

This is extempore, triggered by the discussion on Bulletin Board of my old company.
Dedicated to my husband, finest and noblest of all the men I have ever known -
(N.B.: 3 years since my marriage and I still dont know anybody at par with him!!)


When I saw you keep your head high, when noone else was helping you
When I saw your smile amidst the fear, I think I then first noticed you.
When I saw your generous heart, I saw noone was as rich as you
When I saw your helping hand, I noticed all the strength in you
When I saw my tears in your eyes, I noticed that ur eyes were blue
When I saw my name in your prayers, I noticed that your love was true
When I saw that there was no pleasure, no success, no riches as dear as you
When I saw, though life had everything, it was still a burden without you
When I saw that I was not myself, I was just a reflection of you
When I saw you in everything I did, I think that was when I noticed you

My 1st April 2010

After reading the title, if you are expecting a nice funny fool's day story, then you are mistaken. Please dont read beyond this if you are expecting that. This is just a true incidence that happened to me this thursday. Something which has still not vanished from my vision. This might be a boring narrative, but I think that this has to be told.

I left office a little early as it was the last working day of the week. I took my car to the hinjawadi petrol pump for refill, paid by card and put my purse in the back-seat. I generally put all my jewellery, mobile, cash, cards etc. in my same tiny purse until 1-4-10. (I know its wrong, but until thursday my argument was, that way I can keep a better eye on my stuff) . I dropped a friend at Sangvi Phata. When my friend got off, somehow my little stash of valuables fell off. I did not realise this until one hour later.

In a post-haste, I took my car back. My only hope was that maybe, owing to the busy traffic, my purse would be ignored. There was no sign of my purse. It had jewellery worth nearly 1.25 lakh(my mangalsutra) and my samsung i8910 mobile(which was an anniversary present from my husband) and one other mobile along with other important documents and cards. The only worthless thing in my purse was my license. My dad asked me to give up any hope of finding it. At max, you may find your license, he said.

When I was a child, a peculiar thing had happened to me. I had once found a gold ring of around 50 gm. I had found it to be singularly uninteresting and I had returned it back to the owner. I was barely 4 years old. I was appreciated for my honesty and I got some awards etc. Why does a bad deed come back to you whereas good deed does not? Why was god putting me into unnecessary loss? Why was a small carelessness being punished so badly? These and many other expletive thoughts were clouding me.

I went to the nearby police station. I filed an FIR. I asked them to give me a call, if they heard of anything. I was willing to offer a reward. Thats when I realised I had not blocked my cards. I had started preparing my mind for the biggest loss of my life. Even my hopeful optimism could not conjure an image in which ANYONE would return all my stuff.

I reached home at around 11. I got a call from my husband. He was able to reach my cell and a person had - YES - kept it with him for safe-keeping. He gave me an address to pick up the purse, next morning.

The address was Sai Shraddha colony in Kalewadi fata. I was to see a person named Hussain Shaikh, who was a taxi driver. A faint unhealthy thought also passed my mind. I wont expound on it, but I am most ashamed of it. I was sure that he will say that the gold was stolen or the mobile was not there. I entered the colony. It had some decent houses all over. I knocked some doors and asked for Mr. Shaikh. Nobody knew him. I finally rang a number he had given me. He gave me directions. I stood infront of a "hut" made of tin sheets. It was less that 8'X8' in size - maybe a little bigger than a clothes closet. It served as kitchen, bedroom and dining room for six of them. Mr. Shaikh was a middle aged man. He, his wife, three daughters and a son, were staying in that dilapidated hut. One of his daughter was undergoing treatment as she was mentally challenged. His son was in tenth standard. Younger ones were even smaller. They had only two cups in the house, which were used to serve morning tea for me and my father. He was working as a six-seater driver for some other person. In less than 10 hours, I wished that he had not given the purse back to me and used everything within it to give his kids a decent shelter.

I offered him some bakshish, which he refused. "This is not a task worth reward", he said. "I had asked a girl to pick the purse when I saw it lying around. She was working girl, like you. But she thought that there might be a bomb in it. Finally I picked it and kept it with me. I dont want to keep anything from that purse. It wont be my earning. Easy money always makes a tough exit. If I would have kept your purse or if I take your reward, I am sure that god will make sure that I will lose the money as fast as I got it. Whats the point of having the ill-gotten money, if I will end up spending it only for illness in my family?"

I knew that by not keeping the purse, he was giving his kids something far more valuable than a good shelter, good clothing or good education. He was giving them good values. I forced some money into hands of his eldest daughter and asked her to buy a new dress and I gave them some sweets as a token of gratitude. I had to spend at least half an hour convincing him into taking it.

All my thoughts were redeemed. What goes around, indeed comes back around and with a larger magnitude. When I had returned a gold ring, I neither needed nor wanted it. When I got this favour paid forward, it was from a man who really needed but did not want it.

Have u realised that only three emotions can bring tears to your eyes - pity, guilt and goodness. My eyes welled due to all the three emotions for a certain 6-seater driver named Mr. Hussain Shaikh. I have spent last four days apologizing to God. He balanced thousands of chindi-chor with one Mr. Shaikh. I thank him for that. I thank him for his benevolence and I thank him for his blessings.

My graduations as a driver

This is something that suddenly occurred to me in the morning. I remember the way I started and look at me now. It’s a story of conquering your fears. And I thought that this ought to be brought to light.


Yes, I was never as bad at anything as I was at driving…except maybe studying…and maybe cooking …and maybe housekeeping…and….er…Ok. forget it!! My point is when I started, I started at the beginning. I would love to go into details of my lessons in driving, but then the focus of the story will change to the martyr who nearly sacrificed himself over and over to my driving - my driving teacher. So, let’s say that Regional Transport Authority felt immense pity for my teacher and setting aside the purpose of greater good, they caved in and handed me my license – to drive any LMV - Light Motor Vehicle - in my case, Maruti 800. This happened nearly 10 years ago.I got my license in august 2000, I joined _______ in September 2000 and I got my first car in April 2001. For the rest of the discussion I will be referring to all my passengers as the IMCP (Insignificant Male Counter Part). The IMCP category includes my carpoolers, my trainer, my husband etc.

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P.S. : No female of the homo sapiens has ever had any problem with my driving.
P.P.S.: Other than the Year 2010 IMCP, all the rest have confessed their feelings about my driving. So, it is very little guesswork.
P.P.P.S: At times some of the thoughts mentioned in the blog were actually expressed. But the language used was far from what a lady like me can mention.
P.P.P.P.S: Situations and exact make of vehicles have been disguised (except for the cycle and bike and van and bus) to maintain anonymity.
P.P.P.P.P.S: In MY blog, I can write a post-script wherever I wish. You are not allowed to judge me!!!

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Graduation 1:
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Year :2000
IMCP: My driving teacher

Me (thought): OMG, I can’t believe that I am going to drive this. The traffic, the people, the dogs. I hope my IMCP will be able to control this well. If I die in all this, it will all be his fault. Look at that cycle - why does he not drive on the top of my car?? And that bike – for all you know he is purposely trying to come in my way. Ooooh that van would have got me!!! Oh My God!! I am going to die -

IMCP(thoughts): OMG, I can’t believe she is going to drive this. The traffic, the people, the dogs. I hope I will be able to control this well. If I die in all this, it will all be my fault. Look at that cycle – why doesn’t she run him over already. What is she doing to that bike fellow – why is she following him?? Thank god I turned the steering right, else she would have got that van!!! Oh My God!! Someone is going to die. I hate women drivers.

Graduation 2:
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Year : 2006 (Yes, I did not use my brand new car for 5 years)
IMCP: A car-pooler

Me(thought) : Hey!! I cant believe that I am driving this. The traffic is not that bad. The people and dogs are in the way, but nothing that a good application of brakes cant resolve. If I drive slowly, IMCP cant raise any objection. He will just think that I am a cautious driver. Aaah, a cycle. I can let it pass and then move slowly ahead. Why is that bike honking at me? I am going to let him pass anyways. Ooooh that van was fast and rash!!! If I was anything other than cautious I would have been dead -

IMCP(thought) : Hey!! I cant believe that she is driving this. There is no traffic. One person about a mile away or a dog in the balcony. With the number of times she is braking, I wonder we are not going backward. If she is scared, she should not be behind the wheel. Aaah, a cycle is over-taking me. I can walk faster. That bike is honking. Can you blame that poor fellow?? I wish I were with him!! Oh great!!! Now a van at 20 kmph is overtaking me. Why did I accept to travel with her, we are anyway wasting more petrol?? I wish I was dead. I hate women drivers.


Graduation 3:
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Year : 2007
iMCP : My ex-fiance (yeah, he is my husband now)

Me(thought) : Now I am a confident driver. I can handle this kind of traffic. I will ignore the pedestrians and dogs. They are mere distractions. They know how to take care of their lives. Am I in the speed limit? Of course I am. I can crank up a few miles. If something goes wrong, IMCP will handle it. Oh God!! That bugger driving the cycle. He should be in a sanatorium. All the bike drivers should be steadily and painfully executed. Yeah, right!! You have a van, so you should honk. Looks like you got a new horn. I am increasing the volume of my CD player. I dunno which song is on. Am I too distracted??

IMCP(thought): She does not look too confident driving. I guess she is a bit cautious. I love her. That man got back in nick of time. Ok. She definitely scared that guy on cycle. That is a cool bike. I will get her to sell this M800. I will buy a bike. Then she will never drive. She is autocratic on the road. Why is she increasing the speed?? She did not change the gear. Maybe the car will breakdown. That will be supercool!! Who is honking? Oh the van. He wants to overtake, why she is not letting him pass? Oh, she is driving at 40 kmph. That’s the speed limit. She wont budge. She has cranked up the radio. I hate this song. I feel pity for the van driver. She is being cruel to him. Of course, I love her. Maybe more than anyone else. Who does so much for his fiancée? Maybe I can convince her into never driving again. That would be a miracle of love!! I hate women drivers.


Graduation 4:
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Year : 2009
IMCP : Another carpooler and a good friend

Me(thought) : Hmm. Now I don’t even need to think of driving. I am so used to it, I can drive in my sleep. Maybe I should try to sleep. The traffic jam is irritating. Let me change the radio channel. Wow!! The invisible miracle that a cycle is!! The guy does not have space to walk, but he can carry his cycle across the traffic jam. That’s the way to beat the jam!!! Oh God!! Men are jerks. Whats that guy doing?? Why is he getting into opposite lane?? Does he think that all the people waiting in the correct lane are idiots?? Great!! Now even the van driver went past by. Why was he looking at me? Is he taunting me because I am a girl?? Or is he taunting my M800?? I have to show him. I am going into the opposite lane. Ha!! There!! Overtook him!! Now he wont ever dare to look at a girl and he will learn to respect M800!!! Ha ha ha ha ha…..

IMCP(thought): Cool. I had a 9 o’clock that I am going to miss. I anyway did not want to attend it. I can blame the traffic. Traffic Jam is the best place to be when u don’t want to go to office. Lets take a nap. Only if this girl does not keep changing channels. That guy has picked his cycle. I wonder if he is strong or the bike is light. I have to join a gym. Then I can wear tight T-shirts. And maybe I will have a tattoo. Everyone is going from the opposite lane. Why are we waiting?? Everyone in this lane is an idiot. Why is she steering into the opposite lane? Oh no!! Is she following that van driver?? Oh God!! Is she even noticing the upcoming bus?? I have to close my eyes now. God, if I don’t make it, I love my mommy and daddy very much!! Ow!! Ow!! That van driver had an heart-attack. I hope he did not note the car number. I don’t think he or the bus driver will ever drive again. I hate women drivers.

Graduation 5:
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Year : 2010
IMCP : One more carpooler and a good friend (I hope he does not read this)

Me(thought): I own this road….Vrooooom ….Vroooom………Vroooooooom…………..

IMCP(thought): How does that song begin?? I got it!!! I’m gonna wake up, yes and no!! I’m gonna kiss, some part off!! I’m gonna keep this secret!! I’m gonna close my body now!! I hope I’ll die another day!!.....

something old and something new

From this post onwards I am going to post some of my older blogs which were not published here...I want this to be a complete compilation of all my works:)

Once all that is done, I will be writing new stuff which is right now only in my head. I hope that I make this good.:)

random thoughts on life

life is like a musical concert.He plays the percussions. U r d performer. melody hppns only when both are performing, else its just noise.

For my life, my love, my husband!!

One night in my dream, God talked to me
"If I grant one wish, what would it be?
I said, "I want beauty, power and wealth
I want success and incredible strength
I want happiness, love and peace
How could one wish grant all these?"
He smiled an assent and then said
"I have something especially made
I grant you everything that you wished."
I wanted to ask but he just vanished
With heavy heart, I felt chagrin
I told myself it was just a dream
One day I realised that there was more
I truly had all my wishes in store
Just in a flash, my dream came true
My love!! That day He gave me, you!!